The Ginger Ninja

Last year(ish) we gained some wonderful new neighbors .... I'm sure the old ones were ok, but never really got to know them. About the same time, we started getting visits from what can only be described as a furball, a somewhat scrawny slightly dirty ginger cat, who thought nothing of sitting by our glass back door, stalking us. By this point the girls were begging for a cat with a passion not unlike Lennie in of mice and men, although there was never a suggestion to call him George. I digress, whilst heading to the car one day our neighbour came to chat, we discussed the scruffy ginger mess, who turned out to be a refugee living in their garden. They had brought him from their old home because he had no one to care for him. Turns out our neighbour is seriously allergic to the mass of Weasley coloured fur, and so they welcomed Beths suggestion that we look  after him. Much grumbling ensues on Cris's behalf, but the  following day he was provided with food bowl, treats and a brush. Now remember we were told he was a stray, so I fully expected to come out of any attempts to brush him with life threatening injuries, the first sign of a hair brush a noise erupted, not unlike that of an old 250cc bike, and the scruffy mess melted, and flopped onto his back..... Stray , my a**.
So the fur balls name is Mickey, and since he appeared, Amy has a new floppy teddy bear to drag around. Theo has a willing Conversation partner, who answers back with a wide array of tones, and Beth has a purring hot water bottle, even Cris who curses and protests can be caught feeding him treats and making space at the end of the chair.
Mickey has adopted us one and all, and makes it clear daily what an effort it is to keep us in line.

Time

I remember sitting watching a really irritating tv program when Bert was young, one of the songs "Time flies when your having fun" has done far too good a job of sticking in my head, it pops out at inappropriate moments and ambushes my consciousness. Once again its too long since I tried to organize my thoughts onto a page. Amy and Theo are upstairs pretending to be going to sleep and making enough noise to wake the dead. Bert is out with her boyfriend (yes you did read it right) and his parents at the cinema.
We finally saw a geneticist recently, she confirmed the suspected diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, for that one moment sat there as she talked us through everything, I wanted to cry, I wanted to curl up into a ball and make the world dissapear, then I looked at my wonderful children and realized crying would do no good at all. So now as mummy protector of the realm, chief in charge of "there there" and kissing things better, I am fighting my way through mountains of information, looking for a way to make the pain go away for my Bert, almost 16 but still my baby.
Bert is waiting for her 2nd GCSE result, which she gets the day before my birthday,I hope for her sake she has done well, but regardless of grade I am the proudest mummy alive, for every day she puts me to shame, every time she fights through a wall of pain and anxiety which threaten to overshadow her sweet gentle nature. She cares for her brother and sister on the days I have to work, making life as fun and magical for them as I would if I could be there. We have just returned from our annual jolly to Cornwall, where each day Amy and Theo got to be secret agents, searching for clues and finding missing agents, each day getting a reward which could be anything ranging from a teddy bear or a yo-yo to a midnight feast. All of this made possible thanks to weeks of preparation by a big sister who could not love her siblings more.
The development of a boyfriend has been an amusing one, Jack is a gentle giant who protects and loves my baby so much that I find myself thinking every girl should have a Jack for her first boyfriend. Jack has taught Amy and Theo to climb tree's, he has helped Bert look after them when I was busy, he now openly acknowledges that the girl of his dreams came at the price of a new brother and sister.
Life is a rollercoaster atm, were a lot of the time the bad seems to be overshadowing the good. But as I have always done, I look for a positive in every day, the freezer defrosting and spoiling all the food inside whilst we were away has given me the opportunity to clean it out. Taking on more hours at work means I no longer have to work nights.
Amy is about to start her final year of primary school, and I watch with masked amusement as she tuns everyday into some fragile looking beauty, with her waist length hair, and bright blue eyes, my amusement is fuelled by our constant battle to convince her to wear appropriate underwear, or sit like a young lady. Even though she is going to a reasonably large secondary school I still find myself thinking they won't know what happened when hurricane mouse gets there, I just hope they are not waiting for another Beth!.

Well I start work at 7.30 so I best sleep, anyone reading this, have a good evening, and keep smiling.....

If you have a moment take a look here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ehlers%E2%80%93Danlos_syndrome

Shells

Well Hallo there:-)
 Its been a while. How are you ? Things change, time moves on. Last time we were here, I was taking on the world via the cubs. Last night  I held my last meeting as Cub Scout leader, a little sad but as they say "when one door closes" , somewhat ironically as I sat here once before, I am just about to watch the ever entertaining jezzer.
Life is still the metaphorical roller coaster it once was.  Let's see......My amazing Beth, last year she gained her first GCSE A grade, aged 14 an amazing result, although she was happy, she was not amused because she was one mark off an A*.......bless her (an A mind you.....pretty incredible). We had our rug dragged out from under our feet recently, a visit to the hyper mobility expert in Bath opened up a whole new can of worms, the diagnosis we have worked with for so long has been changed, we are now looking at the possibility of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.... A very different and much more complicated prognosis, apparently her lovely soft skin is possibly a symptom of something much more serious. But as we have done before we will do our best, we have a long way to go, lots of testing, genetic profiling, physiotherapy and a whole herd of specialists. After chatting with an old friend with a far closer view of EDS than anyone should have to experience we are looking at "smart crutches", if Bert has to use crutches long term she will have the best. Amy.... Wow ok, my little blonde loony is growing up. Still the gentle caring, self sufficient creature, she is getting taller by the day, and tbh if she gets any thinner she may well dissapear, and yet she eats more than the rest of us. Yesterday she took part in a trip to Bristol university as part of a gifted and talented trip, her talent... Drama, are we surprised ?..... I think not. I was lucky enough to watch a show at her school, she was part of a student created version of "walking in the air"..... Cue music and little girls swirling around the stage, Amy and her best friend are stood at the side of the stage wearing onesies.... Then the singing begins... A voice which while untrained, held notes that professionals work to achieve, she looks at me and grins, and my heart melts. This little creature so undemanding and easy going revealed a talent which left me wishing that I could sign her up for stage school tomorrow.... Watch this space. My Theo-lump.... Dear god why does no one tell you about the difference between the sex's? My little man is now heading at breakneck speed toward his seventh birthday, school reports state he is good with computers and mental maths, his handwriting isn't great so as a result he uses computers to complete his written work.. Incidentally he excells at IT, now there's a shock:-)  his teachers tell us he would benefit from being better organised, I think I may be guilty there.. Never mind lumpy we can be disorganised together. Monday will be Theo's day, if all goes to plan hopefully its a day he won't forget, but shhhhhhh right now its a secret:-)
Other parts of life rise and dip, but my 3 amazingly beautiful completely unpredictable creatures continue to amaze and baffle me, they make my heart swell so much it could burst on a daily basis. Summer comes (its Britain ok!) This is our time of year, picnics in the park, walks up the tor, feeding the ducks and a million other small things that fill memories.
Take each day as it comes, grasp it with both hands and never let go, because otherwise one day you might look back and find its left you behind.
Enjoy this beautiful sunny if freezing cold day, as jezzer would say, I am for today out of time.

Priorities......

Ok so part of this is dedicated to 2 friends of mine,  a couple far braver, and more committed to each other than most I know. He is one of our brave servicemen, recently gone to serve his country, not returning until february, which means he will miss Christmas, his sons 6th birthday, new year, and the every day life with his 2 amazing children, when he returns his daughter will no doubt have grown into an even more incredible young woman, one step closer to fulfilling the potential she shows every day, his son, so full of character will have many many animated tales to tell his daddy. But behind all of this, is one of my closest friends, his wife. Who for the next 4 months, will be both parents when the children worry about daddy, explaining that he will be back soon,  making sure they understand that daddies love for them is unconditional , and that if he had a choice, he would be at home with them. Charged with ensuring she survives, and remains strong, is myself, and a few select others who understand that when she says "I'm ok" it really means"please don't push the point", Or that on the rare occassion she admits weakness and needs a friend, we will move heaven and earth to be there for her, until he returns and makes everything complete once again.
Life here gets no less complicated, Beth is now starting her GCSE's a year early, because of course teenage life has far too much spare time, and needs filling;). My amazing Amy mouse grows more full of wonder every day, and is still as dizzy as ever, Theo is sat beside me, having filled the whole living room with a den, desperately trying to read the words as i type them, and doing a pretty fair job of it.
I for my sins, have decided to take on the local Cub group and am working toward becoming Akela instead of a pack assistant, its going to take every part of my self confidence to pull it off, but if i can't control a bunch of 8 year olds............ oh dear god why did i say yes?:) My first official job as Akela will be rememberance day, somehow right now that seems to be very fitting..

Life poodles on, but if you read this, and you have a spare moment, spare a thought for those who keep us safe, whatever their job, be it forces, police, nhs or any of the other jobs in which people willingly risk their all for our sakes.

Been a while...

Yeah I know I'm a slacker...

Life has been pretty interesting these last few weeks, in both good and bad ways.

Fowey was idillic, the children loved it. The balcony's over the estuary were perfect for crabbing, and catching fish and shrimps. The local beaches were stunning and the Eden project even more breathtaking that the last time we visited. The sense of peace, and just a little bit of hope I felt while there, did a lot to make the holiday amazing. Since we have returned, reality seeps in again, like some kind of underlying disease, something that cannot be ignored or cured, just stayed off with the careful juggling of time and events and an unending ability to forget about self needs on a regular basis.

A few days ago, My husband gave me a link to something he had written, the first time I have ever really seen him put into words properly what he does or doesn't feel inside.

This is life in his words, needless to say it blew me apart...I try so very hard to keep things going, and yet right now it feels like I am failing badly.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.depressionforums.org%2Fforums%2Ftopic%2F67506-sleep-wake-eat-repeat-why-bother%2F&h=uAQDzs5Xf


I respect him hugely for what he has written, to be that frank took some real guts.

Yesterday the children and I went to pick up their latest aquisitions. 3 russian hamster who have been named Tim, Fred and George, lets hope they are all boys. The sound of giggling and happiness these very tiny creatures can create truly is a tonic for a sore soul.

Hopefully over the next few days if it ever stops raining i will get some more work done on my garden, with the help of a few very willing volunteers, and then i will have somewhere peaceful to retreat to on the odd occasion it isn't raining.

right, short and sweet, but i did work a night duty last night, and i know there is a tub of cookie dough ice cream somewhere with my name on it.

Take care chaps

Faeries at the bottom of the garden....

Ok...... bare with me on this one, random thoughts splurging out.


When you sit back and look at the world, it seems so very grey, as an adult its about work, and earning the money to exist. Its about making sure everyone has everything they need on a day to day basis materialistically, but as a parent when do we stop to ensure our children have the things in life that don't cost anything?. We give them love, unconditional and unending but who gives them their right to be children?.
Theirs is an existence of blank pages waiting to be doodled on, written in languages only understood by other children, of whispered words, and shared secrets, harmless secrets with so much meaning to no one but the owner. I have many fond memories of planting seeds with my Grandad Jim, a man who always seemed so very tall, and magician like to a young me. We would plant seeds, and he would mark their places with plastic flowers, so that the child would be in awe of flowers grown overnight. The simplest magic, but enough to fill a young heart, and create memories that will live as long as nature allows.
When I watch Amy and Theo play together, theirs truly is a world of amazing transforming cars, faerie princesses, Hero's and heroines, dragons and monsters, and I love it. It is a world which will stay with them in the way that my childhood memories do, it will create unbreakable bonds between them.
At the rear of my house, there is a metal archway leading into the garden, hanging from it are some windchimes, when the wind blows, you can hear the gentlest tinkling noise in the childrens bedrooms, Amy likes to think of it as angels and faeries giggling as they play among the flowers, and what right do I have to tell her she is wrong?  Next time a child asks you if this world exists, remember we live in a society rife with "monsters" and bad people, we study other worlds, and ask our children to believe in the possibility of life existing on them, and yet we so eagerly tell them that magic, unicorns and other mystical creatures cannot possibly be. I personally see no harm at all in shielding my children, allowing them to take their time to grow up, allowing their world to grow with them at a pace they are happy with.
Do Faeries exist? Was Peter Pan based purely on one mans imagination? who knows, but whenever I hear a tinkling bell on the wind, it makes me smile inside.

Whilst I agree that it is very important to give children a safe and secure grounding to life, it is also true that childhood is over far too soon.

Bleh...

Camp was awesome!!!

A really fun way to spend the weekend, shame about the bronchitis. Returned from camp feeling tired, but thats not unusual, the ensuing chest pain and breathlessness were not fun.
Just sat and watched Jeremy Kyle, because that always makes me feel normal by comparison to the people on there, sad I know, but it helps.
Tonight I get the pleasure of the school disco with Amy and Theo, watching the entire school, which in fairness is less than 100 children, charge around the hall, dance with each other and generally try to impress is always an amusing way to spend the evening. It makes me think though, as part of the training we do at work, we read a poem called "What do you see?", if you haven't read it, its easy to google, but have tissues ready. It recounts an old ladies thoughts on the way her carers view her,and is an amazing insight into the world of a dementia sufferer. What it makes me think,  is this... the lives that we lose as we grow old, the memories that fade, and become transparent, are tragic. The simple things, my childrens disco's, first days at school, first boyfriend ( not for a long time yet please Beth;)), all these things mean the world, each deserves its place in history, its own marker on an indellible timeline.
So while I was sat watching Jezzer, thinking about how empty these peoples lives must be, it occured to me that mine is anything but empty. A struggle sometimes yes, plain sailing in the same way the titanic was maybe, but still amazing, and worth every second. So tonight while I am watching the girls compare outfits, and the boys skid around the floor, I will do everything I can to commit each moment to memory, in the hope that it remains fresh for a long time to come.

Enjoy your day, mark it well.